


Weekend at Shiro's

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens, Assassination Attempt(s), Autistic Keith (Voltron), Awkward Sexual Situations, Conspiracy, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Friendship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, Klance if you squint, Not Beta Read, Political Parties, References to Drugs, Sensory Overload, adopted but still, but nothing happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 00:25:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The blue paladin kneels on the pillows and waves his hand in front of his face, checking for a reaction. There’s none, and Lance moves on to the pulse in the neck. He’s praying his mother’s prayer and sighs with great relief when he feels a steady beat under the skin - it’s not too slow or too fast. Something made Shiro’s mind shut down but there’s still blood pumping through his system and that’s better than nothing, even if he doesn’t know what’s going on.Based off of: Weekend at Bernie's (1989)





	Weekend at Shiro's

**Author's Note:**

> Weekend at Bernie's is one of my favorite movies and I wanted to write the Voltron characters in a similar situation. Obviously, I didn't want to actually kill Shiro, so I put some sci-fi medical junk together and boom - coma. 
> 
> Also, Keith's moment away from the party is similar to what I do, because too many sounds overwhelm me and I shut down as a result. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S I love Allura with my whole heart.

“So you’re telling me,” Lance says. “That these guys just _party_ all the time? Dude, that’s awesome.”

A hologram of a planet hovers in front of the paladins. There are beaches and hills over the stretches of land and four moons and one sun orbiting around the world like flies. Princess Allura gestures over the screen and the projection changes into a humanoid creature about eight feet tall with an extra set of hands and green skin. It appears to be genderless and stands with a hip cocked out and holding a frothing mug - it reminded him of a college frat boy he had once seen at his sister’s college during a visit.

Allura rolls her eyes at Lance. “The Thrimze are known for their valuable skills with glass making and the sand of Thrum is known to have elements of quintessence. Getting them to assist Voltron would aid our fight against the Galra immensely.”

“Yeah, sure. But we get to party for three days? One weekend? A vacation?” Lance asks. 

The princess looks like she wants to yell at the paladin, or hit him. There was no _vacation_ from Voltron, she wants to remind him. Everything they did had a massive impact on the fate of the universe, and they had no time to sit back and have fun. But the loyalty of the Thrimze was invaluable and, technically, Lance was correct. They really did like to party.

Coran adds to the discussion. “It’s very important that they see the five paladins of Voltron, uh, partying with them. It’s a big thing in their culture - socialization and everything.”

“Woah, then Keith might want to sit this one out,” Lance jokes. “Let the real men do the work.”

Keith scowls at him, looks ready to object but Shiro puts a hand on his shoulder. _Pick your battles_ , his expression tells the younger paladin. 

The royal advisor ignores the boy’s interruption. “Really, their standards are quite high. I suggest you all read up on the most recent information we have on their expectations, starting with Sir Hanbee’s _Treatise on the Methods of Celebration in Thrimze Culture: Volume I_ and the five sequels…” 

Sure, okay. Lance will _totally_ do that. 

Another day passes and the castle prepares for landing. The paladins don’t wear their armor, and instead adorn the preferred clothing of the natives, which was rather conservative compared to what Lance had in mind. Plain t-shirts with opened button-downs that had floral or plaid patterns and shorts that went down to their knees for the men, and Allura and Pidge wore pink and green button-downs with denim skirts. It was like the eighties had thrown up on them all.

Pidge, for once, looks well-rested. According to Hunk, she had slept for nearly a day in preparation for the next three, because she is not a party girl. However, she knows she has to do this for Voltron and even picked up one of the books that Coran had named. She didn’t finish it because it was about two thousand pages, but she claims it gave her a better idea of what to expect.

Keith is in the same boat as the green paladin, but unlike her, he had done no studying and locked himself in the training room prior to their arrival. His plan is to be in Shiro’s shadow as he plays the friendly diplomat. 

The rest of them feel up to the task. Lance does, at least. Hunk looks nervous but he’s been to parties before - most people end up liking him, and Allura has her hair down and thrown astray for once. She tries to keep her no-nonsense attitude, but she’s grinning with excitement; she had loved these kinds of events ever since she was a little girl, she says. This time, however, she’d be considered one of the adults and be able to go into the rooms her father kept her from, saying that it was grown-ups only.

Before the door opens, Shiro turns to them.

“Remember,” he says, locking eyes with each teenager. “You should all have fun, but not _too_ much fun. Get what I’m saying?”

Everyone looks at each other. Hunk raises his hand and ventures, “I’m not sure I do.”

“He’s telling us to not have random sex and snort weird alien crack,” Pidge quickly informs him. 

Hunk just raises his eyebrows and nods, giving him the thumbs-up. Lance laughs awkwardly - why did Shiro even have to bring that up?

“You don’t snort crack, you smoke it,” Keith corrects her. “You snort coke.”

“Is there really a difference? They’re both cocaine,” she asks. 

“Yeah, I mean…”

Shiro stops them. “Guys, just...just make good choices, okay? We’re doing this for Voltron.”

They walk onto a beach with red and white sand that seems to go on for miles. A lighthouse sits in the far distance behind several large houses decorated with lights and filled with people. The paladins watch as they collectively move to another one, and Lance remembers them being known as ‘floating parties’ where there are several hosts and no one really knows where it’s going to end up next. He had dreams of going to one of these, but not like this.

There’s also loud music coming from a speaker that didn’t belong to a single home. Really, it sounded like it was in the air itself, but that didn’t seem viable. When he had discussed a similar invention with Hunk, he had a long tirade about how it was impossible to do something like that. Lance said it wouldn't stop him, and maybe here was his chance.

Three of the four moons are present in the sky when they arrive. One seems to be setting as another one begins to rise, and a single crescent hangs in the middle of the sky. Thrum only has one sun, so while their nights are long, their days are much shorter. Unfortunately, the Thrimze people only work during the daylight hours and party while the four moons do their rounds. 

Business is slow with these folks, but according to Allura, it’s vital. Lance cracks his knuckles and hops off the ship.

“Does it have to be this hot?” Hunk complains. He starts to take off the open flannel, but Coran, still on the ship, stops him.

“Keep that on for a bit longer, number two.” Hunk cringes at the nickname. “Remember, these people are very particular about their customs. And, yes, it has to be this hot - humid, actually.”

The yellow paladin huffs and looks towards the ocean where waves of yellow and blue lap at the shore. 

Coran continues. “I have to remain with the castle, so you all have fun! Represent Voltron and everything - Allura, you know your talking points. This should go well.”

The castle leaves and will remain in the atmosphere until the paladins are ready to go. They turn to the houses and see a pair of aliens coming towards them, their arms over each other’s shoulders and holding mugs like in the hologram.

Shiro and Allura take point as they approach. Lance studies the two figures, deciding that the one on the left is most like a girl and the one on the right is more like a guy. He doesn't know how he knows, but he knows. 

They greet the paladins, their accents sounding like stereotypical California surfer dudes and dudettes. One links two arms with Shiro’s one and the other gestures for the rest to follow them into the house. 

The girl - Xyla, she says - talks about their lord. He wants to meet with them by the pool, and Lance thinks he can see the dude lounging on the patio with two aliens at his side. Heavy jewelry also hangs off his neck and he wears purple sunglasses even in the nighttime. 

“Should we see xem immediately or wait until some time passes?” Allura asks. 

Wait, what was that pronoun? Oh man, Lance should've done his homework. He looks to Pidge; she sighs and gives him a quiet briefing on Thrum’s gender relations and pronoun use that the others also listen in on. Good thing he wasn’t the only one who needed it.

Thrimzes uses ‘xe’ pronouns no matter how they were born, he learns. They have no concept of gendered language, and everything they say could apply to anyone no matter how they identified. 

Okay, this makes more sense, Lance thinks. He can do this. 

Allura nods and thanks them for being good hosts with a big smile on her face, and they both respond with, “Totally, princess. Rock on.”

She laughs. “Yes, rock on!”

There are no doors and the house they enter - the one with all the people - has a very open floor plan. Lance really likes this house; it’s decorated with white and blue like his lion and his armor and allows for a lot of socialization and talking and getting to know _people_. He misses people. 

When they enter, the crowd cheers for them. They don't get to meet the lord as a group, because folks started separating them and talking like they were old friends. Lance is dragged off by a guy in a baseball hat and his - xyr - somewhat drunk date towards the bar, and he gives Shiro a wavy grin as he leaves.

Someone slides him a glass and a red bottle of mysterious clear liquid. When he asks what it is, the guy who dragged him away tells him that it will taste like nunvil and strawberries, which Lance didn’t know they had in space. Interesting.

The guy introduces himself as Carzt, and encourages him to drink it ‘for Voltron’.

He’s hesitant to drink it, but they claim that it's just a drink. No side effects, it's like soda - Lance didn't know they had that, either. 

Before he takes a sip, he asks the guy, “Where’s all this music coming from?”

“Boppin’ nanobots in the air, my friend,” xe replies. 

Lance gags on the taste but then takes a moment to realize, hey, it's not that bad. The aftertaste isn’t too strong, and kinda sweet and actually does taste like strawberries and nunvil. And he hasn't died yet, so it was looking good so far. 

“Really?” he says. “Like, a ton of them?”

“Totally. It's pretty radical - just a bunch of them all around us. Like, we can't even see them.” Xe waves xyr arms through the air as if to brush them aside, and Lance imagines tons of microscopic bees moving in mass. 

Lance wonders if he can take some home in a jar and somehow reprogram them to play whatever he wanted. That would be cool - he could totally play some pranks with that. Although Pidge would likely get her hands on them, and that'd be hell.

They're talking about Voltron’s mission, and the alien’s date - Vryck - describes how the Galra have been interfering with their lives by stopping shipments and limiting their supplies. However, they had yet to actually land on the planet. They’re probably on their way, however, because why wouldn’t they be interested in a world with quintessence-tainted sand?

“It’s such a downer, man,” xe tells him, the drink in xyr hand sloshing and spilling over. “Like, if you talk to the boss then we'll totally help. Those Galra are such a bummer.”

Lance smiles at that, already feeling successful with his first conversation of the night. Things are going well, he thinks. He doesn’t give a second thought to the possibly too friendly hand snaking around his waist and slight invasion of personal space - these guys were just really open, and he could be down for that. 

“So, like, listen,” Carzt burps. “You, Vryck and I are gonna go upstairs to those ‘private’ rooms or whatever and, like, totally get it on. That cool, dude?”

And that's the end of things going well. 

He sputters and barely gets his hand in front of his mouth in time to catch the drink spewing out. His eyes are wide and he doesn’t even take a breath before agreeing, even though he hasn't had time to think about it at all. As they tug him upstairs, he scans the room to search for anyone who might be able to get him out of this, but everyone is too busy with their own conversations to notice the blue paladin being dragged away by the all too happy couple.

This is for Voltron, he reminds himself. But they - the aliens and especially his team - would understand if he wants to stay with the party and not engage in any alien sex acts that they might be suggesting. Would it be offensive to decline? Would it ruin their entire mission? God, he didn’t want that to happen.

Unfortunately, no one sees him leaving in time to stop them from taking him into a darkened bedroom with one of the comfiest beds he's ever been on. He pushes that thought out of his head and looks over to see Carzt and Vryck ‘getting it on’, making out passionately and playing with the hems of each other’s clothes. He averts his gaze, not really knowing what to do or what to expect.

Lance scoots to the other side of the mattress and folds his hand over his stomach, hoping that if he stays quiet enough then maybe they would forget about him. They seem to be pretty into each other, and he starts to think that maybe he’ll get out of this without compromising the mission. 

Then he looks towards the wall on his left, and what he sees makes him nearly jump out of his own skin.

Keith is sitting against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest and his hair looking ruffled and messy as if he had been pulling on it. There are bags under his glazed eyes and he looks past Lance, but not at the couple making out. Just... at nothing. He might not even register his presence. 

Something was wrong. 

Deciding to get the couple out of the room quickly, he places a hand on Carzt’s shoulder (which doesn’t stop moving) to get his attention and says, “Hey, like, I think the party’s moving to another house.”

Xe slowly pulls away from xyr partner and goes, “Shit, man, you're right. Vryck, we gotta get over there.”

Apparently they have to be in the same house as everyone else when they make out, so they roll off the bed and leave. Lance tells them that he'll meet them later, and Vryck winks at him and brushes his hand. It’s hard not to cringe - and Lance usually embraces this kind of attention.

It’s a damn stroke of luck that he's right about the party moving, and soon the house empties. It’s quiet downstairs, and Lance is sitting next to Keith, waiting for him to say something like ‘thank you’ or ‘get out’. As far as he could tell, the red paladin’s pupils were responsive and Keith was there mentally, but at the same time, not.

He taps his finger against his knee. He's never seen Keith like this, but guesses it's some kind of anxiety response. But what had him so freaked out? Maybe the event was really overwhelming him, or he’s just super insecure around people. Lance doesn’t know. Should he leave? Could Keith even tell him that he should leave? 

“Should I get Shiro?” he finally whispers. Shiro always knows what to do.

It's hard to tell, but he thinks Keith shakes his head. So that's a no. And if he isn't telling Lance to fuck off, then he is fine with him being there.

Silence isn't always Lance’s thing, but he manages to not talk until Keith is ready. Sure, sometimes he loathes the guy, but they were still teammates - they look out for each other and help each other. Time passes, and the crowd may have moved on to yet another house by the time Keith comes out of his daze. He shifts his legs and unfolds his hands, and Lance notices that he doesn't have his gloves on.

Keith then asks, “Were you gonna do it?”

“What?”

“If they, uh, called you over,” he elaborates slowly. “Would you have done it?”

The aliens. Right. Lance hasn't been thinking about that - they were probably still at it wherever they were. 

He tells Keith, “Nah, they weren't really my type.”

Surprisingly, Keith laughs. It's more of a short exhale and a snort, but it makes his heart leap anyways and Lance doesn't really know why, so he just pushes that thought away and bounces his leg. 

The red paladin starts to fix his hair, brushing down the stray bits and smoothing them down, and Lance asks, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” he replies. “Just overwhelmed by the sounds and stuff...It’s a thing, I guess.”

Lance nods, doesn’t ask any more questions about it and helps Keith up, and instead asks if he's ready to go downstairs. It takes him a moment to say yes, but soon they're descending the glass spiral staircase into the empty common room.

It's absolutely, totally trashed. There's broken bottles everywhere and spilled drinks on the white tile and once pristine cushions. But at least the nanobots seem to have left and took their super loud and obnoxious music with them; Lance can hear his own footsteps echo through the room. 

“Now this is my kind of party,” Keith jests with a cautious smile. A big grin touches Lance’s face because Mullet just made a pretty good joke for the first time ever.

They're both at the bar, and Lance pours himself another cup of the strawberry-nunvil soda and offers one to Keith. He quirks an eyebrow, suspicious, and Lance tells him that it's not that bad as he takes a drink himself. The other boy shrugs and takes a glass, watching it fizzle over the rim and down his wrist.

At the same time, they take a shot. Lance sighs contently and Keith immediately spits it out but then stops and considers the taste. He smacks his lips and seems complexed by the sudden change.

Lance laughs. “Right? It's not that bad after the first sip.”

Through the window, the crowd can be seen three houses down throwing someone into the pool. Upon further inspection, he sees that Hunk was one of the guys doing the throwing, and then he jumps into the water himself. Like he expected, the yellow paladin was having a pretty good time.

There's also Allura among them, and she is cracking jokes with some of the Thrimze. She throws her arm onto someone’s shoulder and rests her weight on xem, and it's nice to see her so casual for once. It’s like she’s resetting herself, getting a clear head so she can better lead the team.

(Although Lance thinks she’s doing a pretty damn good job, all things considered.)

“If I go over to do diplomatic stuff, will you be good here?” Lance asks, assuming that Keith didn't want to be with the people and the noises again. He seems to be right.

He nods. “Yeah. I actually might head over later.”

“Nice, nice. I’ll, uh, see you later, man.”

Lance turns towards the open door, starts walking and passes by the couch while Keith is heard to be cleaning up a bit. He nearly gives himself whiplash as he does a double-take at the lone figure resting on the sofa and he stops in his tracks.

Holy shit, it’s Shiro. And he isn’t moving.

The blue paladin kneels on the pillows and waves his hand in front of his face, checking for a reaction. There’s none, and Lance moves on to the pulse in the neck. He’s praying his mother’s prayer and sighs with great relief when he feels a steady beat under the skin - it’s not too slow or too fast. Something made Shiro’s mind shut down but there’s still blood pumping through his system and that’s better than nothing, even if he doesn’t know what’s going on. 

He smacks the leader’s face lightly and pinches his flesh arm, hoping that he’d wake up and go back to normal. Lance wonders how long he has been like this. Was he like this when Lance was being dragged upstairs? He tries to remember, and maybe he can recall the black paladin lounging on a couch with another alien, but he isn’t too sure. 

Unsure of what to do, he clears his throat to get Keith’s attention. The boy is shocked to see that Lance is still there, having been wrapped up in his own head for a few minutes, but almost drops his glass when he recognizes the white tuft of hair belonging to his adopted brother. He leaps over the couch and yells Shiro’s name, and Lance touches his shoulder to calm him down.

“He’s alive!” Lance exclaims. “He’s alive, dude. His pulse is strong, but he’s not responding. I don’t know for how long.”

Keith bites his bottom lip, squints his eyes and tugs Shiro’s arm over his shoulder, and Lance follows. “We need to get him back to the castle. Now.”

“But it’s not supposed to be back here for another two days, uh, nights. What are we gonna do, shoot up a flare?” Lance scowls at the other boy, and then Keith is going through the pockets of Shiro’s jacket.

“Yep,” he responds triumphantly. Like magic, he pulls out a small handgun that had been tucked into Shiro’s shirt. “I saw Coran give these to Shiro and Allura before we left. For emergencies, I guess.”

Lance pulls back when Keith steps forward with the body of the black paladin. “Won’t they notice, though? Dude, we can’t disrupt this party.”

“Okay, Lance, would you rather disrupt the party or put your leader’s life at risk?”

“Neither. Look, Hunk knows some medical stuff, and I’m sure Allura might be able to figure out what happened. I’m going to go get them - you should stay here with Shiro and make sure he doesn’t crash. Okay?”

The red paladin tightens his lips into a thin line, not happy with the suggestion but willing to compromise. “If you’re not back in fifteen minutes, I’m shooting up the flare.”

“Deal.”

Lance runs down the steps and through the sand, which only slows him down. He’s nearly knee-deep in it when he approaches the stairs of the house, and he pushes himself onto the deck with difficulty. But there was no time to catch his breath - Keith is antsy, and Hunk isn’t a very fast runner. 

He finds his friend sitting by the poolside with a drink in his hand and wearing sunglasses even though it was dark. Hunk smiles at him and gestures him over, babbling about how cool it’s been and how nice all these people are and how good of a time he’s having. Lance almost doesn’t want to take him away from it, but the future of Voltron was in danger - he grabs Hunk’s hand and leads him into a more private place. 

Hunk blanches when Lance tells him what’s going on, and he agrees to start heading over. However, he tells Lance, Allura might not be able to come. “She’s, uh, busy.”

The blue paladin turns to see the princess on the dance floor, having a lot of good fun with some strangers. She’s smiling and her hair is even more frizzy than it was before, and they both agree that they’ll let her continue having fun unless it turns out that they really need her. And Pidge is there, watching her and being a wallflower, so they’ll be fine on their own. 

When he returns, Keith is on the porch with the flare gun and is hitting the side of it with a gloved hand - he took Shiro’s gloves. He’s yelling, “Piece of fucking shit, doesn’t fucking work!”

“Seventeen minutes!” he shouts when he sees the two paladins. Lance raises his eyebrows and puts his hands up.

“Did something happen?”

“No, y’all just took too fucking long. Where’s Allura?”

“Having fun,” Hunk says. “Where’s Shiro?”

Keith leads them inside where Shiro is lying face-up on the couch. There’s been no change, he tells them. Pulse is still strong, no fever, no seizing. It’s just like he’s asleep and won’t wake up - some kind of coma.

Hunk opens the paladin’s mouth and peers inside, noting the red stain on his front teeth and finds the cup he was probably drinking out of. He gives it to Lance, tells him to put some regular water in it because, according to Pidge, it would start steaming if it had been spiked with something. It sounds really specific, and Lance isn’t too confident, but he heads to the sink anyways as Hunk continues his inspection.

The coat is discarded and the yellow paladin rolls up the shirt sleeve to reveal the prosthetic arm. Keith asks if someone could have tampered with the technology, and Hunk says maybe and starts opening the little compartment in the forearm that had a bunch of wires in it. Messing with the arm makes Keith nervous, but he doesn’t stop him.

If the nerves are connected to Shiro’s brain, Hunk reasons, then the arm could be considered one of his vulnerable points. He tells them that he saw the black paladin getting a bit friendly with one of their hosts (but not too friendly), and xe was getting touchy with him. Keith demands to know which one, but Hunk doesn’t know. Then Lance comes back over with a cup that’s not steaming, so they assume he wasn’t roofied. 

Knowing that the arm was tampered with, and Shiro is basically in a coma, Hunk says, “I think someone induced some kind of stroke, maybe. But strokes are normally caused by naturally-occurring issues in the carotid artery that stop blood flow to the brain, and we don’t know what exactly is being affected here. Maybe the arm can control where the blood flows? We’ll have to reverse it at the castle and stick him in a cryopod so he can recover.”

Keith sputters. “So the Galra gave him an arm that can just turn important shit off and on in his body? It has total control?”

The yellow paladin shrugs. “I mean, I’ve heard Shiro recall a couple of experiments they did with it. It’s pretty advanced, dude, but they always got him back to normal, right? There’s hope.”

There’s hope, Lance reminds himself. And Allura had another flare gun, so they could still signal Coran. Everything will be okay once they get to the castle, although they only lasted about maybe eight hours on Thrum. But they made some pretty solid connections, and surely the others had made good relations with the lord of the land, so it wouldn’t be a total bust. Keith and Pidge will probably be happy returning early, anyways.

He steps onto the porch, however, and sees the party moving back his way. Why were they returning to this house? It was already trashed, and there were other houses that had yet to be used.

“Uh, guys,” he calls to them. “We’ve got company coming.”

Keith and Hunk both say, “Shit,” and move Shiro so he’s sitting up as if he’s awake. The yellow paladin places his sunglasses on Shiro’s face so no one can see that his eyes are closed and struggles to get the coat back on him. 

Lance tells Hunk to talk to Allura, who’s surrounded by a couple of laughing Thrimze, so they can get her flare gun. He agrees and leaves them, and the red and blue paladins have a couple of minutes to figure out how the hell they’re going to explain the situation to the people coming in. Keith wants to demand justice and single out the culprit, but Lance suggests they keep the peace and try to get Shiro onto the ship as inconspicuously as possible. They can solve the crime later when the black paladin can provide a solid testimony and identify the offender.

“If anyone asks, we can just say he’s totally wasted,” Lance says. “The true party animal of the Voltron coalition.”

Keith scowls at him. “No. Shiro has a reputation as the leader, he can’t be known as some junkie asshole who throws away his responsibility.”

“Are you kidding?” he asks. “No one would interpret it that way - Shiro would be the high-strung, no-nonsense leader capable of kicking back and having fun. They’d be totally impressed with him.”

They don’t notice when people start filing into the house as they’re busy arguing, but one alien flops onto the chair across from them and kicks xyr legs onto the glass table. Xe is saying something, but it suddenly becomes hard to hear as the musical nanobots are buzzing around them and Lance, for once, wishes everything would just be quiet. He now understands Keith’s earlier irritation.

Glancing nervously at each other, Lance sits on one side of the unconscious paladin and Keith takes the other, and they push Shiro’s arms onto the back of the couch when the alien isn’t looking so it gives the illusion of relaxation. Yeah, Shiro’s just lounging around. 

“...What do you think, bro?” the alien finishes. Shiro’s chin suddenly drops onto his chest, and Lance has to stop Keith from quickly picking it back up by smacking his hand. 

However, their guest laughs and punches Shiro’s shoulder, thanks him, and says, “This guy’s so sick, dudes.”

Xe puts up two peace signs with their left side and leaves. Keith and Lance realize that the Thrimze might never notice that Shiro is in some unnatural coma if they stay by his side, and everything could go smoothly if they claim that the flare is just some fancy firework for celebration. No one would have to know.

Lance leans over to whisper, “If Shiro needs to say something, I can mimic his voice pretty well.”

“What?”

He lowers his voice to mimic their leader’s and says, “Voltron is nothing but dedicated to taking down Zarkon. Please, join our cause.”

Keith gawks at him. “That sounds nothing like Shiro.”

“Well, then you try it, Mullet,” Lance bites back.

“Maybe I will,” Keith snarls. He makes his voice deeper and says, “Only you can help defeat Zarkon and the Galra empire.”

Lance laughs. “Why does your Shiro sound like Smokey the Fucking Bear?”

“Shut up! He does not.”

“He so does. ' _Only you can prevent forest fires_.’”

“Whatever. It’s better than yours,” Keith growls. 

Their bickering is interrupted when a rather tall Thrimze leans over Shiro’s shoulder, smiling and holding a cup of blue liquid. Lance mouths to Keith, “I’ve got this,” and Keith rolls his eyes and tries to tell him to keep his mouth shut. The blue paladin ignores this and turns away so the alien can’t see his lips moving if he decides to say anything. 

Xe runs xyr hands down his jacket slowly. Keith wants to stop xem, but xe says, “I see you’ve held onto my stuff for me,” and pulls out a baggie of green paste from his breast pocket and pecks his cheek. The weight on the cushion makes Shiro’s head turn to the side, and xe giggles and squeezes his bicep before standing back up.

Lance doesn’t have to pretend to be Shiro, because xe leaves as quickly as xe came. He stares incredulously at Keith and asks, “What the fuck was that?” 

Keith only shrugs, just as shocked as Lance. His eyes peer around the room to look for Allura, Hunk or Pidge but can’t find any of them and shifts uncomfortably. He’s getting antsy, Lance can tell, and probably wants to leave again but he won’t leave Shiro’s side even if he trusted Lance. 

A couple aliens pass them and jest with Shiro, and when they ask questions, slyly adjusting the position of his head is enough of an answer. Lance tells one that he has a bit of a low tolerance for stronger drinks when xe ask why he’s so quiet, and Keith smacks his arm without looking away. He glares at the other boy but keeps his cool.

Through the glass door, Lance sees the lord sitting by the pool with two groupies or bodyguards or something on either side of him. He remembers that the lord has been wearing sunglasses the whole time, and he finds it rather suspicious but doesn’t know if he should say anything - it might just be xyr style, and he doesn’t want to offend anyone. 

Actually, he thinks, they should probably try striking up a conversation with xem. He doesn’t know if any of the paladins or Allura have spoken to xem, and he thinks they can manage it even with Shiro in a coma. Lance says to Keith, “We should go over there. With Shiro.”

Keith can’t seem to stop finding Lance’s ideas ridiculous, and Lance tells him, “We’re still on a mission, right? And Shiro’s leads Voltron - it’d be good if he talks to xem.”

The red paladin shrugs, but asks, “How are we supposed to get Shiro over there, then? He can’t walk.”

Good question. Dragging his commanding officer across the room wouldn’t bode well, so they need to emulate walking. He looks at Keith and says, “Take off your belt.”

After two minutes of arguing with a scandalized Keith, he gives in and discreetly pulls the leather through the loops on his jeans. Lance does the same, and he thinks they got away with it because no one is looking at them oddly. He leans down, secures the belt to his ankle and then around Shiro’s so their feet are connected. Keith watches him and does the same.

“Okay, let’s stand up,” he whispers. They wobble and nearly fall back onto the couch.

The distance between them and the doors seems further than it probably is, and there’s a clear path in front of them. He looks at Keith and nods, and they synchronize their steps so it looks like Shiro is walking as well. It’s awkward, because the black paladin is about four good inches taller than them and they have to wrap their arms around his back to keep him from toppling over, but they manage. They manage.

It’s colder when they get outside and collapse on the patio chairs and there’s barely enough room to fit all three of them. Lance is about to fall off the edge, but the two Thrimze across from them greet them with kindness and Lance starts to think that this is maybe a bad idea. He doesn’t know what to say after he introduces himself.

Keith, surprisingly, takes the lead.

He starts with discussing the hospitality on Thrum, commending their warm welcome and then moving on to the problems regarding the presence of the Galra. The two Thrimze - Mawx and Flyzt - seem to speak on behalf of the lord, and Lance only grows more suspicious of the lord’s state. He wonders if Keith notices it as well.

Then there’s a scream from inside the house. Everyone goes to check it out.

Lance starts to get up, only to remember that he’s still tied to Shiro. He looks at Keith and he tells him, “Don’t worry. Go,” and Lance undos the belt and leaves, not looking back to see if the lord even turned his head to acknowledge the noise.

Upstairs, he finds out that it’s a stupid false alarm. Some aliens gathered around to watch the drama unfold as two engage in a somewhat drunken brawl that ends with them bitch-slapping each other like little boys at recess. Lance sighs and pulls them apart with the help of another, and passes xem off to some friends who help clean their bloody noses and the crowd chatters during it all. 

For once, he thinks this is a waste of his time. He needs to go back downstairs and make sure everything is going smoothly, because as good as Keith was at his job, there was always room for things to go wrong. 

And that’s exactly what happens. While everyone is distracted, no one notices the red paladin holding Flyzt and Mawx by their collars and yelling with Shiro nowhere to be found. The seat he has been sitting in is pushed back to the edge of the patio and Lance can only assume that he has fallen through the fence and onto the sand beneath the house. He runs over and pulls Keith away from the aliens.

The lord is slumped in xyr seat and the glasses are on the ground, and Lance knows for sure that xe hasn’t been awake the whole time. But, unlike Shiro, xe isn’t breathing. 

“Dudes, we don’t know what happened,” Mawx claims. “Xe’s been dead since this afternoon and we didn’t want to be blamed for it so -”

“So you’ve been propping xem up and pretending that xe was alive,” Keith finishes. He’s angry and Lance wants to tell him that, technically, they were doing the same thing. 

Flyzt interjects. “W-we didn’t know what to do!”

The aliens were so distracted by the seething paladin that they haven’t noticed that the other human is missing, and Lance thanks god for that. 

Some of the guests have started coming back to the common room, and Keith orders the two of them to get the lord away from the house. When they try to object, saying that people would be confused, the red paladin barks at them, “Just fucking do it.”

He turns to Lance, who is leaning over the railing to look for Shiro, and asks again where Allura and the others are. Lance doesn’t know, and starts bounding down the steps to get Shiro, who isn’t anywhere in sight. Keith, behind him, curses and kicks the wooden pole supporting the deck. 

The incoming tide laps at their legs and before Keith can suggest that someone took the black paladin, Lance starts sprinting towards the sea.

Cold water is at his hips when he finds Shiro’s body face-up and floating away with his hands clasped over his chest. Keith must have set him up like that before he went berserk on the aliens. He looks peaceful for once, Lance decides, and he starts dragging the man back to shore by his ankles with the other boy’s help. 

Good thing they got to him before the ocean stole him away forever. 

With his hands in the sand, Lance takes a breath and starts laughing. God, this is so fucking funny. He just pulled his twenty-something year old commanding officer out of the ocean by his feet and is watching him sink into the sand slowly, still wearing the sunglasses and floral shirt. The universe isn’t giving this guy a fucking break, he thinks as he brushes a couple grains off of his face. 

Keith stares at him for a moment, his face blank. Lance finds this even more hilarious, and he guesses that it’s infectious because Keith starts laughing too. They’re both wet and tired and there’s a bunch of partying aliens in the house behind them and, holy shit, his mind is just now processing this.

They pull Shiro’s arms around their shoulders and start dragging him back to the deck, deciding that he would be fine on his own for a bit while they search for the others. They make him look comfortable and clean the sand off of his clothes before making their way through the dancing crowd and asking a few if they’ve seen their friends.

“Saw them go to Carzt’s, dudes,” one says. 

Carzt’s house is three buildings down to the left and is a lot different than the first. It’s shaped like a dome and colored yellow and pink like lemonade and smells like weed, and Lance wonders if space kush is a real thing. It’s decorated with abstract paintings that don’t make any sense and the carpet is plush and reaches their ankles. There’s no sound, and Lance is ready to turn back for Keith points out the single broken bottle on the staircase.

Three different hallways greet them when they arrive upstairs. Keith goes left, Lance takes the right and they’ll both go down the middle if there’s nothing in the rooms they enter. They decide to be quick, dashing to each door and kicking it open only to find empty bedrooms and bathrooms. However, Lance does burst in on an orgy at the end of the hall, but he doesn’t see any of his friends, thank god, so he lets them be.

Keith asks, “Anything?” when they see each other again.

“Alien orgy,” Lance tells him.

“Oh, what the fuck?”

“It was gross.”

They start down the middle hallway together, finding nothing until they enter the fifth room on the left, and then there’s Allura standing victoriously over a couple of scumbag aliens while Hunk and Pidge take down the others just as swiftly. There’s maybe six total, and all that hand-to-hand combat Shiro had taught them turned out to come in handy after all. 

Allura takes out her flare and tosses it to Keith, telling him to go onto the balcony and fire it. He slips through the sliding glass doors and Lance stands there, awestruck by his friends and not really sure what to say. Pidge gives him a theatrical bow and hops off the bed she has been standing on.

With the castle on its way, the five teenagers head back to the main house. The party seems to be floating away, finally, 

“Hunk told us what happened to Shiro,” Pidge starts as they’re running. “So Allura and I went to shoot the flare.”

“But then we heard those two bodyguards talking about the lord, and how xe was...dead,” Allura continued, solemn. “And I knew it had something to do with the Galra. I knew it. So Pidge, Hunk and myself decide to investigate. We couldn’t let them get away with it.”

Hunk fills in. “When we asked them, they denied everything. But Allura knew that the only person that had been around the lord that afternoon was xyr advisor, so we went to confront xem. Y’know, we didn’t want to stir a panic amongst the guests so we decided to be lowkey about it all.”

“Yeah!” says Pidge. “And when we met with the advisor at that house, because we saw xem head over there with some others, xe was talking to a Galra pilot through the intercom. So we knocked xem the fuck out.”

“Turns out, the lord was working with the Galra this whole time,” Allura tells them. “And xe wanted to assassinate Shiro because he’s the black paladin, but they thought xe was being too reckless. So while the lord conspired against us, the Galra decided to conspire against the lord. Xe should’ve known better than to trust Zarkon’s men.”

“And that’s how we ended up here,” Hunk finishes. 

Lance frowns. “So is this mission a hoax? Are we not getting their help?”

They reach the patio where Shiro should be, and Allura shrugs. “At this point, we can’t be sure about anything. We might’ve gotten here too late, and if we can’t expel the Galra, then there’s no way we can get their help without putting them all in danger, and that’s not an option.”

Lance nods and goes to grab Shiro so they can get to the castle. The party is still going in another house, despite everything happening right under their noses. The Thrimze might not even notice that they don’t have a leader anymore until daylight comes, and that’s going to be a problem for the Galra to deal with. 

It takes him a second to notice that there’s no Shiro for him to pick up. 

“Dude, Keith,” he says. “We lost Shiro again.”

Keith groans and Allura demands to know why he said ‘again’. He checks over the railings again, seeing if he slipped through like last time, but only finds a couple of kids playing in the sand. They look up at him and he smiles through the pain.

Lance says, “Dammit. Where could he have gone?”

The others start checking inside the house and Keith starts running for the ocean again. Pidge, however, walks over to the railing and hoists herself up so she’s standing on the bar and yells down to the children. “Hey! What are you guys burying?”

“None of your fucking business, scrud!” they shout back. Pidge curses them and pulls herself through the gap so she lands between them. Lance watches from the deck, realizing that all of this is giving him a headache. 

She waves her arms to shoo them away and grabs one of their plastic shovels. One throws a handful of sand at her before running off, and she tells them, “I’m gonna kick your ass, kid!” 

The shovel breaks after a couple seconds so she starts clawing at the ground with her hands, and when Lance sees the tuft of white hair, he swings himself over the fence to help her. He calls out to Hunk and Allura, who come rushing over. Keith doesn’t hear him and continues to wade through the water, shouting the black paladin’s name.

He’s still breathing, they find. It takes all four of them to quickly dig him out of the sand and Allura, as strong as she is, single-handedly lifts him up so they can start cleaning him off. 

Hunk lifts his head for a second and swears. “Guys, guys. Galra are coming.”

Lance turns around to see three figures dashing down the beach towards them. Even in the dim moonlight, he can see their purple skin and they host their guns up and point them towards the paladins and princess. They call out Keith’s name one more time, all at once, hoping to get his attention so he can help them get back to the castle and out of the path of the incoming soldiers.

Luckily, it works, and he dashes back to the house. He’s pointing at something and shouting, and it’s Allura finally realizes that he’s pointing at the black hoverbike in the driveway. She lifts Shiro over her shoulder, despite him being half a foot taller than her, and tells the others to follow. They do so without argument. 

Without a key, Pidge manages to hotwire it in under thirty seconds, and Allura takes the driver’s seat. There’s a side-car attached to it, but it takes all of the three paladins to keep Shiro upright as they speed off towards Keith. There’s no room for him, however, so he swallows his pride and hops into the kiddy car just as the Galra begin to fire.

“Holy fuck,” Hunk exclaims, ducking just in time.

They see the castle landing on the hill they arrived on, and Allura shifts gears so they go faster. As they pass the crowd of party-goers, they cheer and wave and Lance lifts Shiro’s arm so it looks like he’s waving, too. The sunglasses fly off, but they’re gone before anyone can notice. 

The rearview mirror shows that there are four more Galra coming after them, and they’ve also hijacked hoverbikes. 

“I guess their presence isn’t a secret anymore,” Pidge shouts over the wind. “Do we still have the flare?”

Keith passes it to her, and she passes it to Lance. “Do your thing, sharp-shooter!”

When no one objects, Lance turns around and closes an eye so he can get a good view of the soldier taking point. He steadies his arm and pulls the trigger, watching it spiral towards the Galra and exploding on impact. That ought to buy them some time, but there were still more coming, and he was out of ammo.

“How much longer?” He sounds like an impatient kid ready to be at grandma’s house, and Allura snaps at him like his mother used to,

She says, “Soon!”

They head up the bumpy hill and see Coran standing at the entrance. With a couple hundred feet between them and the Galra, Allura uses a burst of energy to blast them into the castle and the door begins to close. She and Coran run towards the control room, and the five paladins try to carry Shiro towards the sickbay as fast as they can. They feel the castle lift off and the couple of hits they take from either the soldiers or another attack ship entering the atmosphere.

It doesn’t matter, because they know when they enter a wormhole. Allura takes charge, and Coran meets them at the infirmary to take care of Shiro.

Shiro, who might not even wake up after all the falls and hits he’s taken in the past couple of hours. 

-

Well, he does wake up. It takes a whole damn day of Hunk, Pidge and Coran tinkering with his arm and repairing any damages and diagnosing all the problems that came with it for Shiro to come out of the coma, slurring his words and unable to hold a cup on his own. It’s typical of a stroke, Hunk informs them, even if it wasn’t a typical one. Coran firmly believes that a stay in a cryopod will heal the paladin.

It’s another four days before the pod releases him. Keith is there to catch him, and the others rush in when they hear that Shiro’s awake and doing a lot better than he was before. They tell him what happened, and he stares for a bit at the blue and red paladins.

“So you two propped up my body and pretended that I was awake,” he says, slowly. “And let people talk to me, as if I was awake. And go through my coat, as if I was awake.”

They nod. Keith points at Lance and says, “It was his idea.”

“Dude, shut up,” he hisses. Shiro, however, smiles.

“I’m not mad,” he chuckles. “Just...that’s crazy.”

The two boys are silent before agreeing. Because, yeah, it was kind of crazy. And funny. And something that Lance will remember for the rest of his life, no matter how long or short it may be.

“And what did that one find in my pocket?” he asks. 

Keith tells him, “Green paste, but I don’t think it was food goo.”

Shiro nods. “Yeah. I don’t remember that, but that’s pretty weird.”

Lance thinks there’s a lot of things weird about that night, and he can list them off like the presents on a Christmas list. But it’s somewhat normal now, and that’s what matters - everything will go back to normal (and he wasn’t in trouble).

“You boys did well,” he continues. “Thanks for that.”

Keith and Lance look at each other and shrug. Despite their constant bickering and teasing throughout the mission, they successfully kept Shiro safe, took down some Galra and worked together without being at each other’s throats. Lance was there when Keith needed some help, and Keith was there when Lance needed someone to bounce ideas off of and solve problems. It wasn’t all too bad.

They did make a pretty good team.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
